We Lost
by CPDSVU
Summary: Hailey Upton had almost lost her partner, Jay Halstead. What would've happened if the bullet from 6x02 had done some damage and Jay was on his way to Med? Would Hailey finally realize her feelings for him? A one-shot from last year's crossover – Upstead, of course!
1. Shots Fired

Hailey knew better. She really did. But she also knew that she needed a minute to herself too. Because she could feel herself ready to completely breakdown at any moment, and she knew that wouldn't have helped Jay.

So, she tried to breathe as she pulled herself away from the ambulance bed. She had just finished their first normal conversation in the last 24 hours, and that was enough for now.

It was only when Adam had caught up to her that the emotions she had bottled up, spilled over. The tears ran down her face, and she placed a hand over her eyes. She felt Adan's presence, and she leaned into him automatically.

"_I thought he was dead."_

She spoke the words aloud, and yet, they felt like they belonged to someone else. Like she was living someone else's life.

Because 24 hours ago, Hailey Upton wouldn't have imagined her partner, Jay Halstead, on the ground, gasping for his last breath. 24 hours ago, she would've been by his side, so the aforementioned wouldn't have occurred in the first place.

But it did. And now here she was, trying to make sense of it all. Why her tears threatened her resolve now she didn't quite understand. She had been vulnerable in front of Jay before — opening up about Garrett was good for her — but, this, this was different. Maybe because the person her concerns were about was the same person she would've confided in. And she couldn't very well explain all these new and complex feelings to the one person who could understand, if she herself couldn't understand it.

She just wanted to understand it. But she knew deep down, it was more than that. More than concern for her partner; more than sadness for his situation. It was a love. A love for him as the man she knew him to be, the one she had promised herself she wouldn't have grown close to. Jay was the only person who knew her deepest and darkest, and looked at her like she was the light at the end of the tunnel.

She looked to him for everything. So, the fact that mere seconds ago, that one beacon in her life was almost gone, was unfathomable to her.

"You wanna grab a drink?" Adam asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

A yes tumbled out of her mouth before she could take it back. Hailey mentally smacked herself across the forehead. Course the tiniest part of her wanted to drown her sorrows. And she knew Adam made a good drinking buddy. So why the hell not? What's the worst that could happen?

* * *

Jay had no idea how he managed to get here. He never would've thought he'd be on his way to Chicago Med, as a patient this time around. Less than 48 hours ago, he was there as a grieving son, who, along with his brother, Will, had just put their dad to rest.

As he was being driven off to Med in the back of the ambulance, he tried to get his mind to focus on something else. Or rather, someone else, as a vision of blonde and blue came into view.

Amidst all the chaos, she was the one thing that he could focus on. He remembered hearing her panicked voice when he collapsed onto the pavement. And his face instinctively caved into her touch when her hand brushed his cheek.

He had opened his mouth to talk, but the words didn't come. They wouldn't come till later, when finally apologized for being such an asshole.

"_Hailey... I, uh, I couldn't stop myself."_

She looked at him, like she always did, her blue eyes shining and a soft smile playing on her lips. She didn't even need to say anything: her face said it all for her. She understood. But she nodded, like she knew he needed something to hold onto.

That was the last thing he said to her before she walked away. He wished he would've said so much more.

Things like, "I'm sorry", "you're right", and "I need you" came to mind; but those should've saids got lost amongst the noise, as the siren blared, signaling their arrival to Med.

His brother's worried voice rang through his ears, drowning out his second thoughts. He just hoped she somehow knew, just how sorry he was. And how much she meant to him.

Because she was the very thing that made him want to fight. And he wasn't giving up until she knew all that and more.

* * *

Hailey ordered her second whiskey, enjoying the amber liquid's power of memory loss.

She tossed it back, ignoring the heavy gaze of her coworker.

"What? It's been one hell of a night."

Adam raises his hand up in defense. "Hey, I didn't say anything," he replied, continuing to nurse his beer.

"Your look of nothing said plenty," she quipped, quirking a brow at him.

"I'm just concerned," he tried, avoiding her gaze this time.

"Don't be. I just needed a soundboard, and if I remember correctly, you're always down for a drink," she paused, nodding towards his beer, which he raised in a mock 'cheers.'

"And?" Adam asked, raising his brows at her.

"And nothing. I'm sorry I got emotional, I think things just got to me, that's all..." she gulped down the rest of her drink. "But this," she paused, flagging down Otis for another glass. "Is working just fine."

Adam fought a smirk. "Whatever you say, Upton."

Hailey downed her third drink in a flash, before excusing herself to the bathroom. While she was gone, her phone went off, Adam hesitantly picking it up.

"Hailey?" Will Halstead's voice was on the other end.

"Will? Hey, no it's Adam. I mean, yes this is Hailey's phone. What's up? Is everything okay?"

"Adam, if you're with her, go get her please. It's about Jay, it's important."

"Okay," Adam said, never going to forget the urgency in Will's voice.

Adam hopped off the bar stool when he saw Hailey emerge from the hall. He flagged her down.

"We gotta get to Med," he said, before backtracking. "Well, _you_ do, but I'll drive you."

Hailey's eyes were as wide as saucers, but it didn't stop her from grabbing a shot of vodka before she left Molly's.

She couldn't show up sober. God forbid if her feelings would make whatever this was worse. She'd be drunk and in love tonight, not sober and confused if she had a say in the matter.

The alcohol burned the back of her throat, and she tossed cash down on the table. She grabbed her coat, and she and Adam took off to Med.

"Why'd Will call me?" She asked Adam as he hurriedly turned the corner.

"I'm not sure," he admitted, keeping his eyes on the road. "I guess we'll find out," he said, motioning with his head that they had arrived.

Hailey all but jumped from the car, racing inside to meet Will.

"Will? What is it?"

"It's bad, Hailey. The bullet grazed his rib cage, and when it was broken on impact, the broken piece cut into his chest. He's got a massive internal bleed. We're working to stabilize him, but it's touch and go right now. I called you because, he uh, he had you listed as his emergency contact."

Hailey knew this, but for whatever reason Will's words of it triggered a memory:

"_Hey Hailey, can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure, what is it?" She took note of the quieter tone of voice, the way his eyes shifted around her face._

"_And feel free to say no way, but I just—"_

_She interjected. "That's a terrible way to start a sentence."_

_She saw the corner of his mouth tick upward, but she told him to continue._

"_Is it alright if I list you on my Med form as an emergency contact? I mean, I have Will on there, but obviously he'd know I'm in the hospital if I was brought to Med. If I happened to not be brought there, it'd be pretty tricky for him to get away if he's on call. And besides, there's no one else I really trust as much as you..." he said that last part so low it was practically a whisper._

_But she heard it. And she was touched that he thought so highly of her to trust her with something so personal, let alone open up to her about it._

"_Of course, Jay. That's perfectly okay with me. I've got you, always."_

Those words haunted her current thoughts as she was brought back to the present moment.

"...Hailey? Did you hear what I said?" Will asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Sorry, what?" She felt her eyes laser focus on Jay's older brother. His red hair, sleep deprived eyes, but kind smile was very vivid to her now.

"He's still in surgery right now. We're working to remove the problematic bullet. I'll update you as soon as I know anything else."

She furiously shook her head, pushing the tears back into her eyes before they spilled out again.

"Thanks, Will."

* * *

"_So, I'm sorry if my heart doesn't bleed like yours."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_You don't know anything about my dad!"_

"_I'm not pretending to!"_

"_No, you're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you so screwed up!"_

"_Okay, I'm done being your punching bag. Give me your keys! Give me you damn keys!"_

Leave it to Jay to only think of the negative at a time like this. With his being under anesthesia, you would've thought he would be remembering happier times. But you'd be wrong.

All he could think about was how much he hurt her. That was a low blow, or rather low blow after low blow to Hailey. And she didn't deserve it. And he knew that.

What he didn't know was why he didn't let her all the way in. Granted, he did open up to her about his dad right after he passed; which was something he never even did with Lindsay — and they were in a relationship back then.

But with Hailey, it was easier. Easier to be vulnerable, to be open. To be, well, himself. And she took it at face value. Nothing more, nothing less. And he needed that. He craved that. He didn't know what he'd do without that — without her.

And that worrisome thought was the last one he had before the white noise officially pulled him under, taking all his thoughts of Hailey with it.

* * *

"Hailey? Hey, Hailey..."

She jolted awake, not realizing she had fallen asleep on the chair. Adam had shaken her shoulder lightly, but had jumped back a bit at her sudden change in state.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's okay. You're fine. What is it? Is it Jay? Is he alright?"

Adam looked to his left, and Hailey followed his gaze, which ended at Will, who was standing expectedly at the corner hall.

"Adam, what is it? You are scaring me now," She tried, not hiding the panic in her voice.

Adam shook his head, looking in Will's direction again. Hailey pushed past him, running to Will.

"Will? Adam's not telling me anything. What is it? Is it Jay? Oh god, is he alright? _Will_?!"

Will pulsed his hands up and down, trying to calm her down. "Hailey, he made it through surgery; but he's very weak. His body's taken quite a beating today; not to mention the prior fractures to that area from his first near brush with death. We've kept him sedated; so, it's just a waiting game right now. We just wanna see if he can stand on his own."

"But he's gonna be okay, though, right? _Right_?!" She heard her voice crack that time. She didn't care.

"He should be, yeah. He's strong, always has been." Will reassured her.

"Can I see him?" Hailey asked, her eyes betraying her by letting a few tears escape.

"Of course. Follow me."

Will led her back to Jay's room, and when he pulled back the curtain, Hailey felt her heart sink.

She knew he was there, but it wasn't the Jay she knew. That Jay was vibrant and fun and the coolest person she ever knew. The man that laid before her was silent and fragile. She didn't know if she felt relieved to see him alive, or felt her heart break at what it took to get him here.

She knew only one thing for sure: she wasn't leaving his side for a second. The world could wait.

* * *

A million little moments were running through Jay's mind as he laid there. He wasn't quite asleep, but obviously not awake yet either. It was more like this uncharted middle ground, a dreamland if you will.

And of course, all his dreams circled back to her. Hailey. His partner, Hailey.

The one that he could've never seen again if he had been any stupider.

_Course you're lying in a hospital bed, practically in a coma, you idiot_, his mind scolded.

True, there was no denying his unfortunate current state; but that's what made the escape into a fantasy world that much more appealing.

He just wished he could will himself to wake up so he could have the real thing. Because as lovely as seeing Hailey in his mind was, nothing compared to having her in front of him.

He saw her silhouette come into frame, her blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders as she ripped the buttons from his shirt.

_"Jay? Jay, you're okay. You're okay," she paused, and he felt her hand go underneath his vest, near his chest where the bullet had been._

_He felt her hand on his face, and he tried to lift his arm up to grab her free hand, but couldn't. He never wanted to touch her more than he did at that moment in time._

_Not even if that kind of way; but in a genuine, real, innocent touch. Like to know she was there. That she was real. And she was his... partner, he rationalized, remembering to tack on the ever so important distinction._

_Feelings didn't have a place for him right now. At least not where romance was concerned. He had just lost his dad, he and Will had fought; his life was being held together by a thread right now._

_But he couldn't deny that he didn't love having her by his side, no matter how much he pushed her away._

_She never left. Not once. He just wished he could wake up and tell her how much that meant to him._

"Jay,"

He couldn't tell if what he was hearing was real or not.

"I'm so sorry, Jay. If I had been there, if I had known. They didn't think the bullet did any damage to you. They thought it went through and through. They really did. Because that's what I thought. Oh god, Jay, I'm such an idiot. How could I have been so stupid? I swear, you've gotta be okay. Please!"

Tears, some muffled sobs. Then the voice spoke again.

"I can't not have you here. I know we said some things to each other, and for that I am truly sorry. But we apologized. We were good. It can't, it can't end like this for us, Jay. Please... just hang on. I need you."

* * *

Hailey didn't know why she had the sudden desire to talk to her comatose partner. But there she was, lips flailing about before she could give it much thought.

And she spilled her guts to him. Practically laid everything out on the table, short of an "I love you," that is.

"Jay, please wake up. Please be okay. We're partners, you and me. But you and I both know it's more than that. More than just work. We're in each other's lives for a reason. Who else puts up with my sarcasm and my endless need for coffee? Who else can I do beer and pizza nights with? You're my rock. _Please_, I can't lose you."

Her voice was broken up by soft sobs, but she attempted to pull herself together. She didn't want to be blubbering like an idiot when he did wake up. _And he will_, she told herself.

She grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and was dabbing at her eyes when she first noticed it. She'd never been that close to him to see it before.

A small scar was etched along his collarbone, on the left. Before she could stop herself, her finger traced along its edge. She wondered where it had come from, and made a mental note to ask him about it. She never knew he had any scars — physical ones, anyway. The emotional ones she'd seen plenty of. Not that she minded.

Most people would've run after having demons revealed to them. But not Hailey. She stayed for Jay because he had stayed for her. That was a part of the thing that worked between them. The unspoken bond they had.

The one where their eyes held the words they couldn't speak, good or bad. The one that told them everything they needed to know about how the other was doing, without a question asked. The one that held them together, that literally became a lifeline.

She decided to use it now, knowing she'd need it more than ever before. She carefully walked a couple steps to her right, picking up his hand.

She laced her fingers into his, giving it a gentle squeeze, just to let him know someone was here with him, for him.

She never considered herself a religious person, but right then she said a prayer to whomever was listening. She prayed for Jay, for his loss; and for Will, and their family. She prayed that things would work out in their favor, because she couldn't bear the thought of the only other end result. She wouldn't allow herself to go there.

She bent over, softly placing a kiss on his forehead, ruffling his hair slightly with her free hand. She cupped his cheek much like did a few hours ago, and felt that same rush from before too.

The panic, the fear, but also, the hope. The relief of seeing him still breathing. Heart still beating. Hers still aching for him. She bit her lip as she came to the realization. That was what love was. At least in her eyes it was.

"Dammit," she whispered to herself. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm falling in love with you."

She gasped when she felt his hand move with hers. Her eyes moved to his face, finding his green eyes opened to her.

"Jay," she said softly. "You're awake. Thank god!" She moved to hug him, but what happened next surprised even her.

His lips met hers before she could really put two and two together. It wasn't much, just simple and sweet; but it meant more than she could have ever thought it would.

"I love you, too, Hailey." He whispered, giving her a small smile. "And I love your sarcasm and coffee obsession too."

She clapped her hand over her mouth. "You...you heard all that?!"

He smirked. "Guilty!"

"Jay Halstead, what am I gonna do with you?"

"I can think of a few things..." he said, his eyebrows hiked up for dramatic effect.

She laughed out loud, which was by far his favorite sound on the planet. "You're such an idiot."

"Yeah but I'm _your_ idiot, now, Hails."

"Fair enough, Jay. Fair enough."

When their lips met again, one last unspoken message was transferred between them. This was where they were supposed to be; and each other was whom they were supposed to be _with_.

* * *

**A/N****: Quick little one-shot from last year's crossover. I still keep mulling over this year's in my head, and while I'm tempted to write something, I'm not sure what exactly it would be….so when I was reminded of this scene from last year's crossover via Tumblr, I jumped at it instead. Hope ya'll liked it, thanks for reading. Here's hoping we get more Upstead in s7!**


	2. Here & Now

**A/N: I just realized I meant to add in a part where Hailey finds out about Jay's first brush with death in the hospital. In light of that, I decided to write a part 2, so enjoy this second-shot, I guess? Oh, and thanks for all the nice reviews, not only on this one, but on my other one-shots too! **

* * *

Will Halstead may not have been an expert in the romance department lately, but he knew two people in love when he saw it. And when he walked back into Med for his morning rounds, and saw Hailey curled up next to Jay, he knew they were the definition of it.

He smiled at his brother, who for once in his life, actually looked at peace while resting. And he could bet on the reason why, as his eyes turned to Hailey, who despite being on a chair, still managed to lay right up next to Jay, holding his hand. She must've gotten him to put the guard rails down on his bed, seeing as half of her body was inched onto the gurney, fitting perfectly next to Jay's.

He decided to come back and check on them later, when, in his attempt to back up and out of the room quietly, he tangled himself in the curtain. _So much for quiet_, Will thought, because as soon as he was free of the plastic pull-back curtain, he saw 2 pairs of sleepy eyes blinking at him. _Dammit_.

"Sorry guys, pretend I wasn't even here," Will said, finally slipping out of their room before either Jay or Hailey could say anything.

The two detectives turned to each other, and upon noticing their current positions, made moves to sit up a little straighter. Hailey blushed at the fact Jay still hadn't let go of her hand, and he had a small grin on his face from waking up next to her like that.

"Hey," she said, being the one to break the silence. "Sorry, I didn't really mean, to like, encroach on your space. Last thing I remember was we were chatting about our childhoods and then the original Bonnie & Clyde film was playing on the TV...we must've both just passed out cold at some point."

Jay was still waking up, not to mention still enthralled by the woman who laid next to him. Even with her slightly messy blonde waves and only the remnants of makeup she hadn't cried off yet, Hailey was still the most beautiful person he'd ever known. He only caught bits and pieces of what she was saying. _Talking. TV. Passed out cold. Got it_.

"Yeah, course I can think of worse ways to wake up," he replied, earning him a playful punch in the arm from Hailey, along with her signature eye roll he'd come to know so well. "Hey, I'm still injured!" He feigned a whine.

"You're also still the biggest dork I've ever met, so ya got that going for you too, Halstead."

"You're really on top of your sarcasm game this morning, aren't you?" He teased. She just shook her head at him, before leaning it back down on his chest.

"Okay, okay, I'm done, I swear..." she said, raising her hands up in mock defeat.

"Yeah, _right_." Jay grinned down at her, and she smacked him with the throw pillow on the chair.

"Oh, okay, now you're in for it, Upton," he challenged. "I may have gotten a bullet through the ribs, but my arms still work..."

Before Hailey could even comprehend what that meant, she felt her sides cave in, which usually only happened when she was moving about. And when a giggle fit subsequently followed, she knew she was being tickled.

"Jay–" she tried, but he kept at it, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to him. "You're the worst!" She laughed as he finally quit his juvenile – okay, and adorable, she had to admit – game.

"Am I? Or am I the best?"

"Oh, so now who's the one with the sardonic humor!" She sassed.

His goofy grin made her laugh even more, and as he leaned in to kiss her, it was just as nice as the last time. Even better, because they were both happier in this moment of time.

He deepened the kiss this time, and Hailey's hands found their way around his neck and shoulders. His had settled on her waist, but quickly moved about her body.

She broke the kiss to bite back a gasp that had made its way up her throat. Damn, he was good. If she reacted like this to just a kiss, she couldn't even imagine what being with him even more so would be like. The thought both intimidated and excited her, which only made her skin grow hotter in anticipation.

"Hmm, Jay," she breathed, smiling at his eagerness. "Hold on a sec," she said, putting her hands gently on his chest. "Let's just, slow down a bit for now, okay? Besides...we're way better than a hospital quickie, don't ya think?" She winked for good measure, and quirked her brow as she watched the realization dawn on his face as to what she just said.

She kissed him quick once more before she decided to lay back down with him. As they settled back together, they sat in silence for a bit, simply listening, or at least, that's what Hailey was doing. She was listening to Jay's heartbeat, which was steady and calm, despite being very riled up a moment ago.

She felt his chest rise and fall, and she noticed her own breaths were in sync with his, which made her smile. _Even with that, we're on the same page._

When she caught his eyes, she realized he had already been looking at her. That's what he had been doing. He was studying her, in a way, memorizing her so he wouldn't forget. His hand traced her arm, sending goosebumps over the exposed skin. He watched as her breath hitched slightly, her lips parting just a tiny bit. His hand came up to her face, tilting her chin back so he could see her. When her ocean eyes focused on his forest green ones, he knew he was gone. He'd never known eyes to be that pretty before hers. He could drown in that ocean any day.

* * *

He brushed a stray hair from her face, and saw her mouth tick up in a smile. She had the best smile, he'd never, ever tire of seeing it.

"What?" She asked, her teeth showing as she fully smiled at him.

"Nothing, just...taking you in, is all. God, you're beautiful, Hailey."

She felt her cheeks heat up again. She dropped his gaze for a moment, suddenly shy now. He was just the sweetest. "Jay," she said bashfully.

"I'm serious, Hails, you're incredible, but not just physically. Your heart, the way you care, and feel so deeply for everyone, I love that part of you more than anything. Though it doesn't hurt that you're insanely gorgeous too."

She leaned up and kissed him for the compliments. "You are just the nicest man ever, Jay Halstead. And you're not half bad yourself," and when he looked slightly bewildered, she gave in. "Okay, okay, you're like, unreal – seriously, it's crazy how hot you are, babe."

He kissed her back for those compliments before the silence fell over them again for a brief moment.

"Jay?" Hailey cautiously whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?" She wondered.

"You just did, twice, _babe_," he added.

"I'm serious here, mister!" She scolded lightly.

"Okay, I'm done. Yes, what it is?"

"I um, well, when Will was telling me about your injury, he had mentioned you had another near brush with death...as in, you almost lost your life once before. And I– I mean, I don't need to know...I just...why didn't you ever tell me? We're partners, you and I. I shared my deepest and darkest with you. And I know some of your PTSD trauma, but I don't...I guess, I just thought you would've mentioned it."

She didn't dare glance up at him, for fear he'd be pissed. It wasn't exactly a happy go lucky subject.

"No, it's alright. I understand where you're coming from, Hailey." He started calmly. She could feel the muscles in his chest tense up slightly as he continued. "I uh, it was, oh about 3 years ago now I think. Around this same time, actually. I went undercover to catch a drug kingpin, and I was overpowered and kidnapped. I, I was beaten, held captive for a couple days. But, my team – our team – got me out. They sent Lindsay in, and she held her own to help get me to safety. Course, I did headbutt a couple guys, ya know, cause I'm a badass," he added, a small chuckle escaping his once stoney tone of voice.

"Jay–" Hailey's voice broke completely in two, just like her heart when she heard his horrific ordeal. "I'm so sorry. I can't...I can't even imagine. I don't want to, but god, it hurts me even more to picture you in that situation." She could feel her eyes well up with tears, but she pushed them down.

"Hey," he said softly, tilting her face to his. "I'm here, and I'm okay. That's all you have to imagine, alright? I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

She smiled at him, and a single tear did end up escaping her eyes, dropping to her lip. Jay brushed his thumb over her mouth, and Hailey leaned into his touch again. He cupped her cheek, but instead of kissing her, he just held her for a moment.

"I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I love you too, Jay. And hey," she paused, mimicking his movements. "I'm not going anywhere either. I'm not losing you, not now, not ever."

"I'm right here, Hailey."

"Good, cause I'm not leaving your side. Plus, there may or may not be a welcome home party I have planned for when you get out of here."

He couldn't help but crack a smile. "A what now?"

She beamed back at him. "You heard me!"

"Hailey Upton, what am I gonna do with you?"

She smirked, stealing his line from earlier. "I can think of a few things...but they'll have to wait till later..._after_ your party!"

He pouted slightly, but she shut him up with a kiss. Yeah, they found their way back to each other alright. They'd be okay, no matter what life threw at them.


End file.
